At around the half-way point of my pregnancy with Bubby, I got the devastating news that I had to be on strict bedrest for the next four months. I cried a little harder with each activity the doctor told me I couldn't do: no going up and down stairs, no baths, only bi-weekly showers, no lifting anything weighing more than a gallon of milk, no going to work. But when he said, "No sex." I was actually pretty relieved. I didn't want to do it anyway and having a doctor's excuse was like a get out of jail free card.
And since this was back when I told everybody ever sordid detail of our marriage (as long as those details made me look good), I immediately called my mom to cry on her shoulder when Big A was actually disappointed about the sex ban. What she said surprised me.
"You know, Kristy, men have certain needs that women don't have," she said, right before my ears started bleeding from hearing my mom say those words. "You'll probably have to help him out."
I got the same response from my brother-in-law, in the form of "Hook a brother up, okay?"
My husband needed sex.
And if you're married to a healthy red-blooded male, he needs sex too, just like he needs air or water. Maybe not as much as much as he needs air or water, but it's vital to his well-being. This article links a man's sex life to his cardiovascular health, chance of certain cancers and overall physical stability. He needs sexual release to keep his parts functioning properly.
Additionally, we all know men's brains are wired differently. Regardless of the health reasons for regular intimacy, men think about it all.the.time.
Shaunti Feldham, in her book "For Women Only," says that sex pops into a man's mind as often as a woman has negative thoughts about her body. If that's the case, Big A has sex on the brain at all times.
Even the Bible, we're cautioned to only refrain from sex only for mutually-agreed-upon times of prayer.
1 Cor. 7:5 "Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."
I think that as women, we think our men shouldn't be that interested in sex. Or that their drives should match ours. Or that since we're going through a time of stress and unrest and sex is the last thing on our minds, that it should be the last thing on theirs too. And if they are thinking of it a lot more than we are, we think there's something wrong with them.
I'm urging you to please, please, please, don't be fooled. He wants to do it and he needs to do it and that's okay.
I've had so many conversations lately with women who think this isn't a big deal. Or maybe they know it's important, but it's just not as important as the million other things they have to do. Or maybe their husbands have even told them not to worry about it. But I'm here to tell you that it's not something you can overlook or place on the back-burner and get back to when your life isn't so hectic.
And to my Christian readers: Your husband needs sex too. Your Bible-reading, church-going, Sunday School-teaching, men's group-leading husband needs sex. Don't think he's exempt just because he loves the Lord.
A marriage's sexual health can make or break a man, physically, emotionally and spiritually. There may be times when you physically aren't able to meet your husband's needs in that area. But that doesn't mean those needs will be shut off for a while. The two of you might have to be a little more creative to make sure those needs are taken care of.
I feel like I've written pieces of this post many other times, but it's so vital to marriage that I wanted to say it again.
So don't say I didn't warn you :).
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