Permissible

Last weekend I had the opportunity to attend an Intimate Issues conference with other ladies from my church. Intimate Issues, written by Linda Dillow and Lorraine Pintus, is a must-have book for women wanting to explore the connection between their sensuous, sexual sides and their spirituality. I consider myself somewhat of a sexpert, but as it turns out, I still have lots to learn.

At one point during the conference, the women attending were asked to consider their pasts and how they view intimacy based on their previous experiences. The outpour of emotion was overwhelming. I wish all women had the opportunity to lay their past sexual sin and pain at the feet of Jesus in a nonjudgmental setting like we did on Saturday. It was beautiful and freeing and after it was over, the relief and joy in the room was palpable.

Another highlight of the conference was the session concerning what is permissible in our intimate relationships. As Christians, we are to glorify God in all that we do and yes (YES!) that includes sex. For real. Get over it. God sees you having sex with your husbands! I've gotta say, the first time I really considered this, I got the heeby-jeebies. But I'm over that (as long as I don't think about it too much).


The Bible says that everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. (1 Cor. 6:12) . So according to Dillow and Pintus, we should ask ourselves a few questions when considering what to do in the bedroom.

Is the activity prohibited in Scripture?
Is it beneficial to your marriage?
Does it involve anyone else besides you and your husband?

Take oral sex for example. Is it prohibited in Scripture? No. Is it beneficial? I'd argue yes, it is. Does it involve anyone outside of your marriage? Nope.

There, of course, are always actions that aren't as cut and dry. There are some activities that aren't prohibited in scripture, and while they may be sexually satisfying to you or your husband, they may not be beneficial to your body from a medical standpoint. In those cases, we should just all use our best judgment and weigh the pleasure verses the possible consequences.

So if we apply these questions to pornography, we get a big negative. The Bible takes a clear stance on pornography in Matthew 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." And what is pornography but a big old lust fest? Not only is it prohibited in Scripture, but it involves other people, even if they're just on the screen.

(Please folks, don't be fooled into thinking that pornography is good for your Christian marriage. PLEASE. You can argue that it enhances your intimacy and helps your sex life, but I'm here to tell you from experience that it doesn't. All it does is pave the way for insecurity, turmoil and mistrust.)

However, if you want your husband to ring the doorbell dressed up as a UPS man who has a big important package for you, guess what? Totally NOT prohibited in Scripture! 

On the flipside, is it okay to lie on the bed like a stick in the mud while your husband just hurries up and gets it over with? Not really prohibited in Scripture, but also not very beneficial either.

So if you're thinking of trying something really new this week, ask those questions. The sky is really the limit here. I really believe that because God wants us to enjoy our spouses, He also gives us freedom to be creative and adventurous.