Protecting the Little Ones, Part 2

If you missed part one on tips to protect your little ones from early/unhealthy exposure to sex, read here. This is part two.

5. Book It. I've come across a lot of great resources during my search for information. Most of the books I've read pertain to children 10 and under, because that's my stage of life. I've also tried to find resources that aren't overly descriptive. At this young age, I don't feel it's appropriate to tell every single detail or to put ideas in their little minds that they aren't capable of discerning right now.


Before I Was Born. (ages 5-8) This book gives an age appropriate explanation of sex from a Christian worldview. It tastefully and safely explains the differences between boys' and girls' bodies, intimacy, conception, even breastfeeding. I like this book because it's specific and to the point, but not overly descriptive.



The Princess and the Kiss. (ages 4-8) In this story, the princess is saving her first kiss for someone very special. She's approached by several different suitors, but in the end, she finds her one true love. It's a sweet little metaphor for a girl's purity. You can also purchase a study guide and coloring book to go along with the story. My friend Erika and I leading a group study using this book for the little girls at our church this fall.

The Squire and the Scroll. (ages 4-8) Again, using a metaphor, this book introduces little boys to guarding their hearts, listening to God's will and the dangers of giving into temptation. Bubby loved the story in this, and any book with a positive message that captures his attention is good enough for me.

Sweetpea Beauty. I LOVE this newest DVD from Veggie Tales. It was just released in July, but we've watched it countless times and I've shared it with several friends who have little girls. Sweetpea journeys to find the meaning of true beauty in this tale. What I love almost as much as the video itself is the accompanying True Beauty lesson guide that you can download for free here.

The Secret Keeper Girl series. (ages 8-12) About two years ago, I won this kit on a website giveaway. Though it was meant for girls a little older than Sissy, I used it as a guide to talk to her about modesty and self-esteem. Together, she and I decided to follow the modesty guidelines in this book and even now, we make sure what we're wearing covers our bodies appropriately. We also go on mother/daughter dates as recommended in the book. As Sissy gets older, I plan to purchase more books in the Secret Keeper family, including the  Secret Keeper Girl series of fiction books.

Teaching Children Healthy Sexuality, and article by Rob Jackson from Focus on the Family. Though I didn't agree with everything in this article, I definitely felt the overall message - that parents NEED to be present, intentional in their actions and words, and cautious in every (not just when it comes to sex) part of their lives - is crucial for helping our children to develop a healthy understanding of intimacy. I especially appreciated his suggestions on fostering self-esteem by teaching children to measure themselves through God's eyes and not the world's. Overall, a super article. 

How to Talk Confidently with Your Child About Sex. This is a parents' guide for approaching the topic of sex with your children. I love this book because it's straightforward and honest, and provides great information about having the dreaded "talk." Also in this series are books for specific age groups and for boys and girls, which I haven't read YET.

6. Shelter Them. Oh yes, I said it. Truthfully, I'm the crazy parent in the bunch. The one who everyone talks about as being too old-fashioned. I don't trust many other moms and dads to supervise my children the way I would; therefore, Bubby and Sissy don't go to many friends' houses. And that's fine with me. On the rare occasion that we do a playdate with a family who we don't know very well, I bombard the other parents with a list of rules. No internet. No music videos. No playing boyfriend/girlfriend with Barbie and Ken. No being alone with the friend's older brothers and sisters (a friend recently asked me "Why?" I don't want them around the older siblings. I'm basing this on my own personal experience of seeing one of my close childhood friends being completely taken advantage of by another friend's three-years-older brother. I don't ever want to put my children in that situation).

So far, Bubby and Sissy have been good about declining if they're confronted with a chance to break those rules, and I'm praying that continues as they get older and can make more of their own decisions. You may think, "You're sheltering them too much! You're nuts!" But my children are my most treasured gifts and I'll do everything in my power to protect them.

As they get older, they will obviously have more freedom to choose what they do, but right now, they're not able to assess situations very well. I wish my parents had been more cautious of these things when I was younger because I was exposed to a lot of conversations, visual images on TV (no Internet back then, yo!) and inappropriate explanations of sex when I went to friends' houses. I don't plan to shelter them forever because I don't think that's a good idea either. But I do explain to them why we have our family rules so that maybe, just maybe they will have the guts to say no when their friends want to look at a grown-up magazine rather than allowing curiosity to get the best of them.

(And if you have any advice about cell phones, text messaging and social networking, I'm all ears... I can't even begin to imagine how to handle all that.)

7. Talk Early, Talk Often. If we can talk to our kids about the little things (and really listen), they'll talk to us about the big things. My parents were kind, loving and supportive, but they were never very good about talking to me about the big stuff, or the little stuff. I want to be the first person my children ask if they have a concern or question about sex. But I can't expect them to magically come to me one day unless I keep the lines of communication open now. This isn't always easy for me, as sometimes I prefer everyone to just "be quiet and do what I say." I'm not saying we have to be like my high school friend's parents (who regularly shared with my friend how "good" of a time they had the night before), but being respectfully open is important. There will come a time when they'll hear about sex outside of the safety of this family. It would be wonderful if they've already heard the right message from people who love them most.

As I wrote this post last week, I felt a little panicky. I remember when the most difficult part of my parenting experience was Bubby not sleeping through the night until he was 15 months old or not knowing if it was pureed peaches or pears that made Sissy's face breakout. What I wouldn't give to have those issues again.

What's your favorite resource for teaching little ones about this topic?