The short answer is yes! Double, triple, quadruple yes! Based on my non-scientific research, as well as the many books I've read, I've developed a theory that there are basically two things men want from their wives in the bedroom. (Again, I'm drawing these conclusions based on a husband and wife with a healthy marriage who just wants to make things a little more exciting.)
The first thing your husband wants is to be able to please you sexually. Seriously, it's as simple as that. For a husband who loves his wife, there is nothing more satisfying than knowing he can rock her world. This seems to go against what we women typically believe to be true about sex, that the man is only in it for himself.
A husband needs the validation that all of his parts are working properly and that when his wife wants to be pleasured, he can fulfill that desire. When I first realized this, my initial thought was, "If he wants to please me in bed, he'll leave me alone so I can get some sleep." But that's not the point. In return for giving sexual pleasure to his wife, a man is receiving affirmation of his manhood, which according to Dr. Kevin Lehman in
his book Sheet Music
, overflows into every other area of his life such as his work, how he interacts with his children, and the way he conducts himself in conflicts. He also needs that blissful connection that comes only AFTER he's pleased you. That all-is-right-with-us-and-the-world feeling.So ladies, if you feel like your man just doesn't know how to please you, or you're just grinning and bearing it until it's over, tell him in the most loving way possible what you want from him. He'll listen!
The second thing a man desires in the bedroom is for his wife to know that SHE can please HIM. In other words, he wants you to be confident. Maybe you're just not comfortable donning a sleezy outfit or doing a seductive dance. That's okay. He just wants you to show confidence because confident = sexy.
For some of us women, this is hard, because we feel anything but confident (hi, my name is Kristy and I lack confidence. Just had to put that out there). All the fumbling around required to get things going can leave us feeling like we don't have a clue. My advice here is fake it til you make it. No, I'm not advocating the fake orgasm, but I am encouraging you to put on your I-know-how-to-please-my-man-and-ain't-nothin'-gonna-stop-me face and pretend that sexual prowess is as natural to you as breathing. Yes, you'll flub things up sometimes, and yes, you may end up laughing at each other when your efforts don't go as expected, but that's okay. Just know that God has given you all the tools to please your man, you just have to figure out how to use them.
If you have an intimacy question that you want answered by a non-expert, feel free to email me at learningastheygrow (at) yahoo (dot) com.
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