Ladies Only

First of all, I want to ask the three men who read this blog to leave the room. This post is for ladies ONLY.

Are they gone? Good...

In my line of work (um, stay-at-home-mom/social networker/playdate attender/person-who-likes-to-talk-about-personal-things), I have had many conversations with women who just don't want to have sex with their husbands.

Our reasons are diverse - too tired, too busy, too touched out from having babies climbing all over us all day, sex isn't that great so why do it?, husband is lazy, feelings were hurt by husband, worry, fear, insecurity (hello, have you met me?), etc..., but in the end, the result is the same. Our sex life with our husbands suffer and we develop what I like to call "Stick in the Mud Syndrome." We just lay there like sticks in the mud until it's over. No enjoyment. No connection. No fun. Just sticks in the mud.

(Once again, let me say that I'm not talking to women who have medical or deep emotional reasons why they can't have sex. I'm talking to the average Jane who just doesn't feel like it.)

Since the Bible tells us to just do it (1 Cor. 7:3-5 says ³The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. ⁴The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. ⁵Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.), shouldn't we at least get some enjoyment out of it?

And let's be honest here, we can't always count on our husbands to get us in the mood. Many of our issues have nothing to do with our men at all. So today I want to focus on Tips to Clear Our Heads and Help Us Feel Sexy. 


1. Relax. Easier said than done, I know. But when you get that little eyebrow raise from your man and you know tonight's the night, the first thing to do is relax. Have some prayer time. Take a bubble bath. Read a few chapters in a good book. Let go of all the stress of today and tomorrow so you can focus on tonight.

2. Remember the way things used to be. Do you have a favorite memory of dating your husband? What about old love letters or pictures? Pull those out to remember when times weren't so stressful, when just the thought of being together gave you butterflies and made your palms sweat. He's still that man, though he may be a little heavier and have less hair and more responsibility on his shoulders.

3. Write a love letter. Even if you don't give it to him, write your husband a letter to tell him what he means to you. There's something about seeing the words on paper that will help reaffirm just how much you do love him.

4. Lingerie. Since we've all thrown out our old panties, I just know we have drawerfuls of black, leopard-print  lingerie to help us feel sexy. Wear it throughout the day, not just five minutes before it comes off. Put it on under your clothes. Who says you have to wear a beige bra to the office or the playground?

5. Visit my Relevant Conference sponsor www.covenantspice.com (sorry for the shameless plug). Lots of products to spice things up with your hubby!

6. Music. Listen to your favorite songs that make you feel lovey. I know if we all think hard enough, we can find a few that help us get that loving feeling back (for me, it's anything by Aerosmith...). Put some on your mp3 player and listen to them as you get ready for bed at night.

7. Be the vixen. Sometimes, I think we totally have to step away from ourselves to get in the right frame of mind for intimacy. That tape that runs through our heads just won't shut off and we can't bring ourselves to even think about sex. Try to forget about your role as a mommy/household manager/runner of errands and play another role.... a nurse, a sexy maid, a police woman, whatever floats your boat and helps you focus on making love and not changing diapers and packing lunches.

8. Talk. Tell your husband what feels good and what you enjoy. Sometimes we think they're being selfish and not considering what we like, when in reality they just don't know. Need more foreplay? Ask for it. Did you like that thing he did a few weeks ago? Tell him to try it again. And if you're too embarassed to say it, get over it. I bet he WANTS to hear what brings you pleasure. It will save him a lot of trial and error.

9. Be confident. As women, God gave us everything we need to please our husbands sexually, but we don't always believe that to be true. I've heard time and time again that husbands just want their wives to feel comfortable and confident in the bedroom. Even if things don't work out perfectly and messes are made, if we believe (or at least pretend that we believe) in our abilities as Godly, sexy wives, our husbands will notice... and they'll thank us.

10. Pray. At the risk of sounding redundant, pray for intimacy in your marriage. God wants your husband AND you to have pleasure and closeness through sex.

It's your sex life too!!! Enjoy it!!! :):)